sigh...

you know? i was actually beginning to get used to my chinese.. cause i know i can do better the next time. no way is louie from nui ren brigade ( i've GOT TO learn the chinese word for it) giving up! no way san hosea!

anyway as i was saying.. i WAS quite okay with it.. but maybe nearly the WHOLE school is hmm... showing a bit TOO much concern? like you know, i don't mind the people i know, knowing about my chinese... but i kinda feel funny about EVERYONE knowing about my chinese.. yeah.. i feel kinda funny. maybe i'm paranoid or something but it looks as if everyone is talking to em as if i'm going to become a fountain any time, or that i'll jsut break and melt away. very funny people! sorry, no show for today. show's over. i don't care. i'm just gonna do my best and glorify Him. ha! maybe another day yeah? same time same place... oh goodness i'm begining to become crappy again... sigh...

no actually i'm kidding myself. if people would start remidning me about chinese, i'll stop becoming paranoid, and i'll be fine! =) when i'm learning chinese or if there are chinese lessons, i'll jsut concentrate and do well. jsut don't remind me of chinese when i'm happy please! it'll crumble that fragile wall of security around me! okay let's not talk about it anymore. i have confidence... but not THAT much yet yeah? =)

oh ya, avril gave a letter today encouraging me about my chinese. that was so sweet lar... godnes felt like crying. haha... i just feel so touched when juniors come up to me with a small word or two you know? i don't know... it just feels like hey! the love is going both ways! we're a family! the old ones care for the younger ones, the young ones encourage the old ones! ha... actually truthfully, i feel funny sometimes when i think about it. when i was free last year, i wrote mass letters last year to like almsot the whole coy lar... but i realised... it's kinda not reciprocated.. haha there's such a word right? my mind isn't thinking properly.. in fact, i don't qutie understand what i'm saying right now.. thoughts are too jumbled up. oh well... i shall end up with the same thing.. study hard people! you can get only so many chances! do it right the first time and be a testimony to others! =) God bless ya