i've realised i'm not as strong as i hoped to be. i'm having my break from physics papers now. after i did them i was quite pleased because i feel i can pass my physics but then i realised i may not score. from there i thought about my chinese and the fact that i failed my oral too. so now i'm wondering, where do i go from here? i hate it when funny negative thoughts come into my mind. makes me feel as if the devil is pulling me away from God and i'm letting it happen. i don't know how to stop it. maybe i do, but in the night, in the dark, it's like more lonely, there's no more light, it feels.. scarier somehow... and images play on your mind. for my case, horrible thoughts. i've torn up one packet of tissue paper. i'm so angry... but then i stopped being angry, and i started crying, which made me all the more angry. oh how i hate crying. makes me feel so lost. oilam gave me some chinese books. made me cry more. i feel like a fountain. yuck. i'm afraid i won't have the motivation to strive hard for the second one. hate it hate it! no hate is too strong a word. i find myself getting more... ji dong. i didn't use such words before. now it scares me. the more i get scared, the more panicky i become, the more i become ms watery, the more i get more fed up. it's a cycle. can't stand cycles. hmmm...
i'm going to youth service tmr with juli... hope raq is going too... maybe i'll pray then... i guess what i'm afraid of most is losing that faith
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hmms... going back again!?... why have lunch with elisa? how come the sudden decision?.... hrmmm i shall see first... if prelims are going good than maybe, but if not than prob i'll stay at home and mugg for maths and my art which im happily neglecting... bwahaha!....
oh wells, im kinda sick of going back.... like everyone thinks im some extra idiot coming for no apparent reason but anyhows, luckily i have julie.. really thank God for that.. she really gave me warmth when i went back... OUR BELOVED BATCH IS STILL THE BEST LA!!!but the passion for serving has not died.. so!!!! super wonder RAQUEL will be back for more action!
haha! yea louie u have to have strength in jesus.. think about it, you're a fountain when u're depressed... but Jesus is the fountain of Hope when Hope is gone, a fountain of Love and FAITH and even strength when we feel tired of walking this barren road... true??..... hIS WORDS ARE SO POWERFUL that if you're constant with it.. it gives motivation and wisdom... i've felt those moments yesterday, but just tell yourself that and remember that this are just temporial weakness we face TEMPORARILY!!!... everyone is imperfect so we are bound to face such trial and moments...
crying and being frustrated about it is not wrong...
just remember to turn back to jesus when you finally thought through it all....
walking back to Jesus finally is ALWAYS the best choice of finding strength when we lost everything...
study with a holy heart, cause it will spur you and make u think that all these are for God...and if u keep it that way... than the results you get will surely be God-glorifying....
pray about it and tell God about it.... its when it hits our weakness point that we realise we have to lean on God...
so everytime you feel weak or hopeless, God is reminding you to lean on HIM!
3 cheers for louie!!! YOU RAWK
loisa! this song is frm me to u... read the lyrics throughly ya... if jacintha happen to be here.. read it too! (:
It's a long, long journey
Till I know where I'm supposed to be
It's a long, long journey
and I don't know if I can believe
When shadows fall and block my eyes
I am lost and know that I must hide
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you
Many days I've spent
Drifting on through empty shores
Wondering what's my purpose
Wondering how to make me strong
I know I will falter I know I will cry
I know you'll be standing by my side
It's a long, long journey
And I need to be close to you
Sometimes it seems no one understands
I don't even know why
I do the things I do
When pride builds me up till I can't see my soul
Will you break down these walls and pull me through?
'Cause it's a long, long journey
Till I feel that I am worth the price
You paid for me on calvary
Beneath those stormy skies
When Satan mocks and friends turn to foes
It feels like everything is out to make me lose control
It's a long, long journey
Till I find my way home to you
HUMILITY IS STRENGTH
haha cause i mentioned i was feeling funny about GB, so elisa said a lunch would cheer me up. haha! sigh... i'm currently studying chinese like crazy. determined to get a c5... changed my mind about c6. now let's see whether i cna up and make a b4... haha... obviously our batch is the best. that goes withou saying... haha! hmm.. super raquel? super woman.. bat raq? spider louie... haha, okay i'm becoming crappy.
wow! you're beginning to be super inspirational! haha God must be speaking to me through you.. that's so cool! haha must reflect on that verse.. "lean not on yoru own understanding..." that one.. thanks raq! it's so touching.. haha =)
HEY nice song! very meaningful lyrics.. =)
yea Raq.. thanks..
LOUI~! yea.. Glad tt wad i've written inspired u..:)most imply God will motivate u..everytime n anytime ya.. cont to CHEONG~~!!(u get wad is cheong rite?) ya..will cont to pray for u too!!! no matter wad..jia you!!!
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